Quitting My Job

I’ve always had a job. At sixteen, when I literally didn’t make the cut for the varsity sports teams (pine rider for life, holla!), I got an after school, office job.

From that point on, I always had a job.

I worked at a movie theater and clothing retailer in high school. During college, I worked in our admissions office by day, and I helped manage an ice cream store and a dance studio by night. I started my first “real job” two days after I graduated from college. Work has always been a BIG part of my life.

Me at 18 months.

Before I left on the RV adventure around America, I was in software sales at one of the largest computer and software companies in the world. Yea, that one.

While I was indifferent towards the company, I LOVED. MY. JOB. I love sales. I love the thrill of changing a big client’s business for the better. I love the large contracts, the money, the stress. It’s a thrill for me. I often compare the drama of my daily sales life to that of middle school romances. It’s the same emotional roller coaster, and it feeds my drama seeking self.

Jane and me on my first day back at work after maternity leave.

I had always thought that I wanted to be a stay at home mom. But after Jane was born, my current role opened up and I knew I wanted to do both. I’m so glad I did.

Work is very much part of who I am as a person. I love recognition. I love being one of the best. I really like the money and freedom that comes from doing my job well. Also, I was fortunate enough to work from my home with my kids in the next room 2-3 days a week. I could hug and kiss them during my lunch break!

I’m not trying to glamorize it. My job was really stressful. It encouraged me to be sedentary most of the day which led to weight gain. I suffered from migraines driven by stress. Often I would snap at Jane and not be able to enjoy my time with her and Wilson.

Stress migraine puking before a big client presentation.

So when it was time to quit, I was faced with mixed emotions.

I scheduled time to sit down with my manager and talk about “2016”. He rescheduled.

When the time finally came, we sat down and I started in with the “I’d like to talk to you about my plans for the new year” line.

He quickly asked me if I was “after different accounts, a new role, or money?”

My response was “No, I think I’m going to surprise you.”

His reply was “That’s doubtful, I’ve heard it all.” I assured him, indeed he had not.

I think I won that one.

He laughed, thought I/we were a bit crazy, and then asked to see pictures of the RV. When I got home, I changed my shirt because I had been sweating so much the whole time, parts of my shirt were damp.

Turning in my computers, badge, and cards on my last day of work.

The whole experience went better than I had imagined. My colleagues were so sweet and supportive and genuinely excited for me. In the days after, I felt light and free.

Today, I feel physically better already.

I have just identified myself with my career for so long I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever shake that I don’t have a job right now.

I just keep telling myself that I can start back up any time. My successes are still there and will be in a year. It’s also allowing me to open up what I feel like is a third of my being to something new. I’ve always felt I was 1/3 wife, 1/3 mother, 1/3 worker. Now, I have that last part to fill with something just for me.

What will it be? I don’t know yet. Let me know what you do just for you.